To my thirteen year old self

You’re about to embark on a hell of a journey.

It’s okay to ask for help.

I know it’s scary. I know it seems impossible at times, but you’re going to make it through this storm.

If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be to go easy on yourself. Give yourself a break. You’re going through hell without the proper help you need. You’re fighting a batting that no one knows about and you’re strong as hell for that.

Sadly, depression becomes a big part of your life. You have your ups and downs, as we all do. You almost let it win, but you fought like hell and didn’t give up.

You end up fighting for yourself to get the help you need. You go to MS, you do the work. You become even stronger.

You’re going to go through some battles in life that seem impossible to walk through, that seem like it’d be easier to just give up, but you won’t and you’re going to be so glad that you didn’t.

Your battle with self harm will haunt you for, sadly, a long time. Years. But, that doesn’t make you any less of a person. That doesn’t make you weak. You have a story to tell. You have battle scars.

In a way, your scars are beautiful. You’ll learn to not hate them. You’ll learn to embrace it and not care what others think.

When you’re 25, I know that’s a long time from now, you’re going to find the best therapist you’ve ever had, and he’s going to help you. He’s going to change your mindset on so many things and help you walk through life better.

Through the hell of it all, you’re gonna continue to stay strong. But, remember, you don’t always have to be the strong one. You don’t always have to be the one holding it together, being the glue for everyone else. It’s okay to show that you are not okay. It’s okay to let people in sometimes, as scary as that is.

I wish I could tell you by 26 you have it all figured out, but I can tell you by 26 you’ve learned a lot. You’ve met some amazing people that have walked through hell and back with you.

You’ve got this babe, I promise.

-S

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