Dear D

I don’t talk about you, really. Only a handful of people know about you and know what happened. What you did to me.

I was in your area last night, or where you used to be, I have been before, but last night was different for some reason. Last night everything came back to me.

Everything came flooding in like a wave, like I was standing in an ocean and couldn’t come up for air.

I don’t talk about you because I don’t want to remember you. Your abuse was the most violent, the most damaging.

Similar to my childhood abuse, I can’t remember everything, but when I try hard enough I can picture it. I can see all of it. I can see the movie you had playing in the background. I can see the pain, the tears and the crying out.

But, I try not to. I try to come up for air when I get sucked into the waves. Sometimes I can’t though. I try to push away any thoughts of you.

For the first couple of years I had intense flash backs, often. They don’t happen as often now… But they’re still there.

You have a kid now. That breaks my heart in so many ways.

Fort Worth has many good memories, but also some of the worst memories of my life.

I had gotten to the point where I thought I could say your name when talk to the few that know of you, but I don’t know if I’m still strong enough for that. And that’s okay.

Sexual abuse is a hell of a battle to recover from. And if you’re in recovery from that, I’m so sorry and I’m so proud of you for overcoming, for staying.

Remember to have compassion with yourself while healing. Nothing that happened was your fault, I have to remind myself of that as well.

We got this babes.

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800 656 4673

-S

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