The first time I ever self injured was in October when I was 13….I went on to continue this from 13 to 25. It’s still a battle, but I’m working on it. I’m working on it for myself, my husband, and our future kids.
The thing about self harming is that people think its for attention, when typically its the opposite. Yes, you want someone to see you, but you’re calling out for help in a way.
The first time an adult in my family saw my arms they said, “oh that’s not too bad.” That’s not the correct response to that situation. That makes you feel like you weren’t even good enough at harming yourself, at least that’s how it made me feel. I don’t know what i would’ve wanted them to say, but that wasn’t it.
If you know someone struggling make sure they know they’re loved. Make sure they know they’re safe with you, that they can come to you without judgement. If you’ve never been in this situation, when you hurt so bad, the only option seems to be to harm yourself physically, then you have no right to judge anyone going through that hell. We all deserve a goddamn award for making it out alive.
Depression is hard for some people to understand because it’s not just “feeling sad.” The pain is invisible, but unbearable. It’s a hell I don’t wish on anyone.
I think one day I’ll be able to look about on the past 12 years of my life and think “damn, I made it.” I can’t wait for that day. It makes me hopefully to think about that day, so for now I’ll focus on my recovery and sharing my story to hopefully help other people.
SUICIDE HOT LINE: 800-273-8255